Hi all, Littlefoot here.
I’m writing to tell you how every year I go from this – BEAUTIFUL majestic creature…
DO YOU THINK THIS LOOKS GOOD?
NO OF COURSE NOT. No one does.
Let me explain how this happened.
Every year when the weather gets warm Mom is like “oh Littlefoot you’re getting mats in your fur, let me brush you 7 times a day.” You know what I said to this? SCREW YOU BRUSH. I mean this brush is out to get me, you don’t even understand.
So a couple of years ago my vet suggested that I get shaved during the summer and Mom was like “OMG SO CUTE LITTLE LION LITTLEFOOT.”
EXCUSE ME WOMAN?
So one day Mom has this Natural Cat Shaving Lady (because those exist apparently) come over to the house. Apparently she specializes in cat feelings, emotions, and other cat bullshit in general.
So this lady brings in this table and she starts saying all these cat montra’s – “you’re brave kitty, you have an amazing soul and a beautiful body.”
And I’m like…”obviously, but why are you here?”
At this point I could tell Mom was a bit uncomfortable but she lets the lady start. But when she shaving me, I can’t control my inner evil comes out. You know what I mean.
I start hissing, scratching, yelling, and obviously I throw in a lot of farts in there to let this lady know I’m serious and I will fuck her shit up.
I’m half way shaved and the women looks at my Mom and says “you know what? Littlefoot isn’t emotionally ready for this so I’m going to have to stop here.” BUT I’m only half shaved.. I literally look like a small lion that was rejected by their mom.
So Mom says “You can’t just leave my cat like that, she looks awful and it’s only half way done, just hold her down and finish the job.”
Cat Lady says “I just can’t harm a cat’s emotional confidence like this, Littlefoot is not ready for this.”
AND THEN SHE LEAVES. She left me looking like a beautiful towel that went through a broken washing machine and came out in rags.
So Mom is like really pissed and I’m like just trying to look good for everyone.
So anyways after 2 hours Mom comes back with her own shaver and locks me in the bathroom to “Finish the Job.”
After about another hour I come out looking so embarrassing. Mom did give me some treatypoo’s which really helped me feel better about the whole situation, but man was I embarrassed.
So anyways this is how the yearly Littlefoot haircut started, it’s easily the worst part of the year. I mean yeah I don’t have mats anymore, and I’m super cool in the summer.
But when I think about my beautiful fluffy body, I really miss the winter. When I’m allowed to be me.